recently i was given advice

from 5th grade girls, on what else, how to attract girls. short and sweet:

step 1: "shave."
step 2: "buy some hip hop clothes."
step 3: "go to the club."

i don't know what's sadder,

a) that it's crystal clear to ten year olds, whose powers of deduction aren't fully developed, that i need help in that department, or

b) that rather than brush it off, i've been asking everyone what hip hop clothes are exactly, and more importantly, where i can get my hands on some.

earlier this year

i picked up one of these from here. do i miss instant digital gratification? yes. but the crisp click of the shutter on this plastic piece of shit is just as satisfying, if not more so. and fuzzy, dreamy, square prints are well worth the wait and the extra dollars spent at the pro lab, which wasn't easy to find in the first place.

i was pretty sure miss l.

was gonna get some ass tonight, so i stayed after work to correct a thick pile of spelling tests for her. the kids were supposed to use the word peculiar in a sentence, came across one that made me laugh: 'i love my mom in a peculiar way.'

walked to oki dog for a late lunch, had a steak sandwich and large root beer. hung out afterwards. lit the obligatory digestive cigarette, finished up an episode of in the heat of the night, played bust-a-move until there were no more quarters in my pockets.


went home, paid some overdue bills, took a nap. picked up peggy, went to lee's sandwiches for the turkey and cheese baguette i've been dreaming about all week. ran around in the rain, got soaked. caught duck season in pasadena. charming film about how being stuck at home with nothing to do can be more eventful and satisfying than an afternoon at the race tracks. or disneyland.


drove home through more rain, arrived just in time for conan's finland special. it was a good day.

there's so much

i've wanted to write about as of late so much in fact that i've been overwhelmed by it all and whenever i would sit down to crank something out my fingertips would freeze at the keyboard not knowing how to sublimate the crazy shit in my head into sweetly-delivered nonsense on the computer screen so here is a pointless video of me driving home down westwood boulevard at 4am after giving brian and mike haircuts without knowing how to give haircuts in the first place p.s. before i forget i'd just like to say that for at least ninety minutes dave chappelle's block party made me happy to be alive and proud to be an american,

good night.