sic transit gloria.

"is that Latin?"

Monday, September 18, 2006

day 2: albuquerque, new mexico to springfield, missouri

new mexico (day 2)
woke up at just in time to make continental breakfast. as we left the lobby for our room an elderly woman in a wheelchair chased after us down the hall and asked if she could purchase some cigarettes from me. ever the enabler, i give her two free. not about to let us go empty-handed, she tells us her schedule for the day, which includes trying to get someplace that happens to be over some hill off in the distance to which she points through the window. she explains that she needs the smokes to make it up the hill. we departed albuquerque shortly, dubbing new mexico 'worst state of the union' with hardly anything to substantiate such a claim.


the highlight of the day had to be the big texan steak ranch in amarillo, texas. it's pronounced a-muh-ri-LOW, not a-muh-REE-OH as we originally suspected. we chose to eat here because it was along the 40 and it has a wikipedia entry. this place embodies the everything's-bigger-in-texas mentality, hence the name. it's all about excess: finish the 72 ounce steak and it's free. the walls are lined by no less than twenty deer heads attached to plaques. the place itself is two stories, and the main area room has an area slightly bigger than that of a ballroom. those bold enough to try and conquer the 72 ouncer sit front and center at a dining table on risers, their crimes of gluttony on display for all to see and, hopefully, applaud, should the four and a half pound slab of beef (plus sides) be consumed before the sixty minute timer goes off. and the dress code for waitresses is best described as 'sorority girl attends wild west party'--western checked shirt with the top three or so buttons unclasped, short denim skirt, cowboy boots and hat, etc; i can understand that. what i couldn't understand were the garters they wore. the servers didn't seem to happy to begin with, and i can imagine the garter being why. ridiculous. we had a pretty late lunch, and the place seemed pretty empty; as we left we considered the possibility that no self-respecting texan eats here. damn tourist traps. i love them.
big texan steakhouse, amarillo, texas (day 2)
big texan, amarillo, texas (day 2)


the drive to oklahoma was pretty easy. outside it was prettier and greener. christian talk radio was more abundant, as were country stations throughout texas. we saw jesus billboards and giant crosses. at the oklahoma border we made our first stop at love's, and it was here that i feel the trip really began. love's will always mean cheap gas, friendly faces, and driving around the country with pals for no apparent reason; what sets this trip apart from all the others is that at the end of this one, someone would be staying behind to start a new life 3,000 miles away from where we started.

love's, oklahoma (day 2)
yikes. (day 2)
the road to springfield seemed a little too easy at first, but then the thunderstorms hit. the rain drops were fat and beat down on the van. it was pitch black out and you couldn't see five feet in front of you save for when the lightning would illuminate the sky purple, like those glass globes with electricity inside that follows your finger, the kind you played with on the 4th grade field trip to the science center. it was very surreal and actually quite beautiful. what made the whole ordeal that much more annoying was the storm's on-again-off-again temperament; ten minutes of maelstrom followed by ten minutes of calm and so on. so it was like, IT'S OVER, I'M ALIVE then HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO DIE IN OKLAHOMA. we stopped at a starbucks in tulsa to collect ourselves. this was the first starbucks i've been to where the average baristi age was 35. they were very friendly.

super cheap gas (day 2)
this was by far the most difficult night of driving; the storm slowed us down and springfield didn't seem to be getting any closer. a little after midnight we ate dinner in a quiktrip parking lot. (dear arby's: if your los angeles locations add onion petals to their menu, i will eat at arby's.) this was my first time at a quiktrip, and it's a very clean place. their toilet stall scrawlings made me laugh and weep: not only was there HOT ALL NIGHT LONG BLOWJOB, 12:45AM, AUGUST 29 BY THE FENCE, there was also a SAVE AMERIKKKA! followed by other things that at first glance would confirm every stereotype about the south you've ever had. the douche who wrote that shit is probably some teenager who commutes 25 miles everyday to work at the dairy queen.

best western, springfield, missouri (day 2)
matt was getting tired during the night shift, so i took over for the last 50 miles or so. i put on abbey road and told myself, before this record plays the whole way through, we will be in springfield. we arrived at the best western about fifteen minutes after paul mccartney's guitar is cut off on her majesty.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

day 1: los angeles, california to albuquerque, new mexico

the ford freestar (day 1)
we stayed up til four packing what we could of matt's life into crates and trash bags, trying to stuff it all into the rental van and abandoning on the curb those things whose only misfortune in life was either a) not being able to fit nicely into a box, or b) being in the shape of something other than a box. after that we walked to 7-11. i got a tina's burrito. that night i went to sleep smelling of sweat and cigarettes and microwaveable burrito.

fenner, ca (day 1)
we ended up leaving at 9:30, already behind schedule. we stopped for gas and lunch in needles, california. there isn't much to do in needles; there are a few motels, an adult video store, a handful of restaurants, a gas station or two, and according to my count three churches that happen to be on the same block. we ate at carl's jr. it was 100 degrees out, so naturally i was more excited about the air conditioning than the fish and chips. while we were eating these two guys walked in, clad in baggy jean shorts and wife-beaters which left their upper-arm crucifix tattoos exposed. they gave the "bro" handshake and man-hug to the guy at the counter and seemed really excited. as we left we passed their table and saw that they were filling out job applications.


IMG_2295.JPG
i hadn't a good night's sleep in weeks, so on this first day i did a lot of catching up in the van. i didn't feel like i missed much, because the drive from to albuquerque is pretty much identical to the drive to santa fe (scenery-wise, at least; lots of rocks and dirt and sun), which we already did a few years back on our way to austin. come to think of it, seeing as the whole trip took four days, this account of the country is almost based strictly on observations through car windows and encounters at fast food restaurants, gas stations, and motels.


albuquerque, new mexico (day 1)
i took the wheel in flagstaff, arizona; we arrived in albuquerque around 12:30am. at his insistence, ray had us drop him off at the spearmint rhino down the street from the super 8 where we stayed. despite his enticing us to accompany him--"it's only a six dollar cover. SIX DOLLARS!"--we declined. as we entered the motel and approached the front desk, a strangely-comforting scent hit my nostrils, reminiscient of hugs from my grandmother and my apartment from senior year of college. i immediately recognized the smell as nicotene, but my brain was still programmed in golden state code and hence wouldn't process a concept as absurd as indoor smoking. i lit up in the hallway and made a few calls to tell people that i was in a place that was not california.

**if people who reside in california are californians, are those who reside in new mexico 'new mexicans'? and no, i am not being facetious.**