to try and make something of one's self

or to settle into your cozy little den of complacency?

i am surrounded by people who are on the move, who wake up in the morning (read: before 2pm) and put their talents and minds to use, who improve themselves and their worlds. people who actually do, well, things. worthwhile things, like returning to school, starting grad school, traveling, working new jobs, laughing, loving, learning, cooking, singing, dancing, the whole motherfucking shebang.

alas, not i, says the artful loafer. seeing as i'm done with school for the time being and as i haven't yet started my career as slave to the los angeles unified school district (i'm 'lost in the paperwork,' whatever that means), all this free time has gotten the best of me. time is really all we have, and lately most of mine has been spent on sleep and music and film and blogs and food and drink and craigslist message boards. missed connections, if you must know.

of my group of cohorts i never expected that i would be the one with absolutely nothing to do. not to say that dedicating most of my time to cultural pursuits is nothing; it's just that there should be some sort of equilibrium between investing energy into things created by other people and those endeavors into which i invest my own creative energy, be that fixing a salad or reorganizing my records or taking 45 minutes to crank out a fucking blog post. anything but sitting around and doing nothing, waiting around for everyone to get out of class and work so i have people to go out and play with. point is that if i don't start work soon i'm going to fucking lose my mind. after all,idle hands killed the devil's cat that was always curious, or something like that.

on a totally unrelated note, yesterday morning i dropped off my parents in monterey park, where they departed on one of those charter bus tours to yellowstone. as we left the house i asked my dad if he remembered his camera batteries and reminded my mom to bring the jacket i brought out for her. i've never been to yellowstone but i can only assume it's cold. as we drove off i kept asking if they forgot anything, and if they did forget something to please tell me now so i could turn around while we were still within reasonable distance for turning-around. the whole interrogation thing took place, but oddly enough it was me asking all the questions. as they climbed into the bus and waved goodbye i was reminded of high school when they would drop me and my brother off for latin club conventions, when it was us getting on the bus and waving goodbye from the window.

it was at this precise moment that i felt myself age, if that's even possible. talk about parent-child role reversal. to a naive twenty-something still who has yet to strike 'spring break road trip 5000 to vancouver' and 'summer vacation' from the vernacular, and, allegedly, has his whole life ahead of him, the idea of one day parenting his parents is indeed a strange one.